Olly Olly Oxen Free

Always in the friend zone, never a main one

It’s never easy to feel something for another person, but when you do feel that warm tingly feeling it’s exciting and frightening at the same time. The way body reacts to feelings for another person are undeniable unmanageable, and untamable. Thoughts fill the insides like a jar is filled with sweets. Why does the human body allow itself to feel for another person knowing that it could potentially get harmed in the process?

Emotions surge through the body and all control is lost. The heart is pounding and the mind becomes blurry to all rational thoughts. The only thing left to do is show the one you know is true to you that they’re the one for you. But what if they don’t feel the same why?

The awkward friend zone. You’ve been placed in this space where all you’ll be is a friend. This person doesn’t see you as anything, they can’t and they won’t, because in their your just a friend. No matter how much you try it isn’t going to matter. You’ll always feel inadequate and less to others because of this friend zone.

How did you get placed in the friend zone? Was it the fact that you weren’t dating material in the first place, were you too clingy, were you too perfect and it frightened them, or were they not ready at the time for a relationship? Any of these questions could’ve been why you were placed in the friend zone, and you remain there today. But the question still remains, why?

Am I the friend that will be there when no other friend zone friend will be there? Am I the friend zone friend who will be there when you need a chat? Am I the friend zone friend who responds the most? Am I the only friend in the friend zone? These questions only you can answer my friend.

There comes a time when the friend in the friend zone has to decide whether they can stay while they’re not the main choice, or they have to go their own way. It might not be the easiest choice, but sometimes the hardest choices make the best choice in the long run.

Your happiness matters just as much as the friend who put you in the friend zone, remember that.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Kill‘em with Kindness

The positives inside negativity are enlightening

Last week I went to the drive thru of a favorite coffee place of mine. It’s my usual coffee of choice and let’s just say if you know me you know what I like and where it is.

So there I was in the car minding my business and I made a decision that wasn’t necessarily the best for the parking lot “I suppose” but really it couldn’t be any worse than what the gum, gas or other toxic things that are left lying around; I dumped out my diet Dr. Pepper on the ground.

Now this isn’t where this ends. No see the vehicle behind me thought this was just the worst thing ever and they made it apparent. But what the driver didn’t realize was that I saw him say to his passenger, “Wow they just tossed out their drink.” Now I admit that is a bit far-fetched, but I’m telling you right now that is definitely what was said.

Seconds after that he rolled up his window and I could see in the rearview mirror the driver and the passenger laughing hysterically. This could’ve been for some other reason unrelated to his remark to my soda throw out, but it struck me in a way that “irked” me. I was overwhelmed with an urge to do something to “stick it” to him and say out of everyone in the world and everything that could happen you decide to judge my actions, fine!

So I killed him...with kindness. I know that probably had you thinking oh no she killed, but that wouldn’t get me very far and plus I sure wouldn’t be on my blog blasting about killing someone now would I. However, I did kill him with kindness. I pulled up the drive thru window and I asked the barista how much the next car's order was (comment guy behind me). She told me and I paid for it. Ha! Jokes on him and his passenger.

I don’t think they expected that after the negative things they said about me tossing out my soda. Of course if they were the right kind of people they were instanting regretting the things they said and felt remorse, however they could be those individuals who don’t and didn’t.

Nevertheless, I felt better doing the right thing and being the bigger person. I took those feelings of negativity and I turned them into a positive deed. Thank you mean guy and passenger for making me see things differently.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Friendship

Found a friend in an unexpected place

Friends come in all shapes and sizes, and even ages. My recent friend came to me after starting a new job. I didn’t think he would become a friend, but he won over my heart with his charm and kind smile.

We spent hours together, and we didn’t say much, but it was still like we were just two friends hanging out. It wasn’t a job at all.

He doesn’t even like bothering me for anything. He says things like, “if you’re not busy” or “when you’re ready” or “no-rush.” This man is just the sweetest friend anyone could ask for.

He hardly ever asks anything of me. It’s like I’m being paid to hang out. I kept bothering him for something to do.

I still remember the first day that we went for our first walk outside together, and how nervous I was about it. But he trusted me, more than I trusted myself. At least one of us knew I could do it.

Got him into the wheelchair, wheeled him out the door and onto the front porch, and down the ramp. Now we had to get across the grass and gravel, that was another story. But he was trustworthy.

Finally we’re on the walk. He’s concerned about me. Wait, he’s concerned about me; that’s odd...I’m the one who’s working for him. Isn’t he just the sweetest? I think so.

After we get back from the walk he’s just elated. He even asks me to take him to the back side of the house to show me his roses and then the back yard to show me his yard and everything that he has worked so hard to do.

It’s these special moments that make our friendship so special to me.

People like him don’t come along everyday. Everyone needs to remember to cherish those moments no matter how small they may be or how big they could be; life is too short.

In the time that I have known him, I have gained a better understanding for the elderly. I know the struggles they have and that they deserve so much more. I’m forever grateful for the chats we’ve had.

Art thank you for being my friend.  

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Bernie Trumps Supporters

Sanders disappoints crowd expecting appearance

The Bernie Sanders rally in Salem, Ore. was a bust for several dozens of supporters this evening; myself included.

It was first rally and I was expecting to go into the Salem Armory Auditorium, sit down, and watch Sanders present his whole presidential campaign speech, but sadly I was mistaken. My initial reaction was disappointment and now I’m feeling trumped.

The doors opened at 4 p.m. and the line had already formed, and that meant you had to have been there for quite a while to get good seats. But nobody could’ve prepared me for the long weaving line and the wait. I arrived at 4:30 p.m. and waited in line until making it to the door at 6:15 p.m. That’s total of an hour and 45 minutes. For me that was too long. Who knows how long others had been actually waiting there.

Anyways, once making it to the door and inside people were rushing to the restrooms and to find seats. I had been waiting so long I had to rush to the restroom like everyone else. Then once out all the doors had been closed off to the auditorium. I had never been to a rally so I had no idea what was going on. So this lead me to ask and I foolishly trusted the people in suits.

I walked down the hall to the courtyard and was put out to pasture of sorts like a cow to graze. Literally that is what it looked like out there. And to make things worse is that nobody knew what what going on. Nobody had information, nobody was organizing the overflow of supporters, and there was a mass of confusion on the faces of several dozens.

Rumor has it that Sanders would make an appearance at some point, but when nobody knew for sure. Sanders supporters gathered in the courtyard awaiting his appearance not knowing if he’d speak to us before or after his main appearance inside the auditorium.

A news anchor from NBC KMTR Eugene, Ore., Anthony Kustura made a live stream to the studio regarding the crowd awaiting the arrival or appearance of Bernie. It was like he was trying to help set the spirit for the crowd. The supporters starting shouting Bernie and it made for great coverage I’m sure. Then it was a wrap for Kustura and he dipped away off into the building that Sanders happened to be using as a safety house. Coincidence, I think not.   

Then a guy can from behind the crowd with food from Jimmy Johns and went through the secret service area towards the secure area, so I initially thought Bernie must be hungry. Moments later I hear cheering and clapping from inside the auditorium; at which point I knew that Bernie was inside and he wasn’t going to make an appearance in the courtyard. We the supporters who were herded like cows were lied to.

As Sanders went on with his speech the doors were opened and the crowd rushed the doors to watch, but that left a limited amount of space for viewing. A lot of supporters left at this point. However, I stayed in hopes that just maybe he would come out afterwards to make an appearance.

After an hour long presidential campaign speech inside the auditorium an uproarious praise was heard while Sanders exited.

Everyone that was in the courtyard waited anxiously for the appearance of Bernie, but nothing. We kept seeing secret service men walk by, we say Bernie supporters who looked like they were with Bernie walk by, but no Bernie. Then off in the distance there was Sanders and secret service men escorting him.

The overflow crowd starting shouting for Bernie, and nothing. All the usual Bernie slogans and nothing. Everyone starting shouting we want to see Bernie. I was feeling burnt myself.

Next thing you know secret service men shut the doors and left. That’s odd, what about Bernie? Then I turned around the police were telling people to leave, but they could stay if they wanted to. Well that is odd, because we were told several times that Bernie was going to make an appearance, and now all of sudden he’s already left.

At this point I’m beyond anger, I’m full blown pissed. I cannot believe that someone who wants my support and the support of others they wouldn’t come make an appearance to the one’s who sat outside and were actually expecting you to show, and were told you would. What kind of people do you have working for you Bernie?!

Someone in the crowd had made an attempt to get some answers, but wasn’t getting anywhere; so as the big mouth I’m I decided to take it into my own hands and speak up. I couldn’t help myself anymore. I waited for hours to see this presidential candidate and this is the treatment I get? Are you really kidding me right now? There were people here who brought their kids, some who were younger than two years old to the rally and they didn’t even to see him. There were even kids who were seriously looking forward to getting pictures with Bernie and that didn’t happen.

How does he expect supporters to support when he can’t even support his supporters? Bernie can you answer that? I bet not, because the likelihood of this ever reaching you is slim. You have disappointed and from the sounds of it when I was leaving the rally several others too. I know that it may actually sway my vote as well.

This rally was the first and could very potentially be my last rally because the experience wasn’t at all what I was expecting. At this point I don’t think I even want to vote.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Fly on the Wall

The walls hear everything, even when no one is there

I didn’t want to believe that my friends would actually talk behind my back. I ignored the signs and the warning that I received, and ultimately paid the price in a matter of words.

Without divulging the how, I found out that people nearest me were talking about me behind my back when I left the room. The things they said about me were cruel and hurtful. I couldn’t believe the things I was hearing.

It shocks me to think that people who I thought were suppose to be my friends actually aren’t my friends at all. After all the advice and conversations we’ve shared this is what they’ve chose to do to me. Way to burn a bridge people.

After all this talk about communication and being respectful, this is how things go. It’s almost as though what I said earlier didn’t matter. Now I know how my mother felt when she was talking to me and things went in one ear and out the other. I feel unheard and disrespected.

Now that this whole situation has come to light I can’t even do anything about it. The multiple individuals can’t even be confronted because they will only deny it or feel like it was an invasion or whatever. It’s ridiculous when you think about. But for some reason I had this suspension that “talk” was going to happen when I walked out. Called it!

I learned a valuable lesson today. Also that saying about friends close and your enemies closer. Maybe I’ll keep them close and then one day I’ll just crush them like the filthy creatures they truly are.

Talking behind someone’s back with others, especially in a position of power is inappropriate. So as of this point I’m beyond over this. I’ll sit here and play pretend for as long as I can take it and when my time comes they’ll know it.

Now for those of you thinking the wrong thing, no this isn’t one of those crazy posts, it’s just a vent outlet of sorts. But seriously, they will realize one day that they messed with the one bitch!

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Positively Delightful Words

Kind words shared for those in need

Using the restroom isn’t usually more than just a flush and wash experience. However, today was more than that at Oregon State University.

I didn’t expect to see any kind words when walking into the women’s restroom, but I was pleasantly surprised. Along the length of the mirror different colored sticky notes had kind words.

“You have the power to change your thoughts,” said anonymous.

Just those words were so powerful to me. It left me feeling happy and had me thinking positively the rest of the day.

“There is always someone to care and listen,” said UC Davis.

This is true. Someone, somewhere is there waiting to care and listen to you. You’re not alone and it’s nice to know that.

“Love yourself,” said anonymous.

It is very important to love yourself. First and foremost loving yourself is definitely important. If you can’t love yourself than how are you suppose to love others? The answer, you can’t.

Prior to seeing these kind words I felt overwhelmed and like the whole world was crushing me. I didn’t feel prepared to take on the world and whatever it threw at me. But after simple acts of kindness I see things a little differently.

Even if it was just for today, the words meant everything to me. It brightened my mood and inspired me. I think that more people should do this.

I’m forever thankful to the anonymous individual or individuals who participated in the kind words in the women’s restroom in Milam Hall at OSU. Thank you very much and I appreciate what you did.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Flashing Lights

Road rage: a leading cause of accidents

I don’t claim to be the best driver or to have the best road etiquette, but I don’t just go around flashing my lights in other driver’s rear-view mirrors to get them to change lanes or pass them.

So when this happened to me on a trip to Salem a week or so ago, I was a bit angry and needless to say I could’ve flipped on the driver who did this to me. It wouldn’t have been all that terrible, but the wife and son were also in the car with me.

There we were heading North on I-5 in the far left lane traveling 75 in a 65 mph speed zone. Apparently that wasn’t fast enough for this car behind us. They took it upon themselves to get right on my bumper and then frantically flash their brights at me.

At first I thought maybe they needed help so I kind of put on my brakes, but why would they be on my bumper. Then they wouldn’t stop flashing, so I figured they were just in hurry. But I wasn’t about to let them bully me on the road. They had plenty of road to drive on and I was already pushing the speed limit as it was. They could’ve gone around me. But instead they had to flash their brights at me.

I don’t know how flashing your brights in my rear-view mirror is going to get you anywhere any faster; if anything it will cause an accident.

After I wouldn’t move out of their way they must’ve gotten hint, and they switched lanes. Now I suppose I could’ve been the bigger person, but why? I mean I’m not going to allow someone to bully me like that. Plus I wasn’t in too much harm at that point. Now if I had felt threatened then of course I would’ve switched lanes.

When the car switched lanes and sped off I immediately called the Oregon State Troopers. Usually I’m really good at getting the license plate, but this I wasn’t able to get it because the driver drove off too fast for me to see it. All that I was able to see was the color of the car and maybe the make and model, and that was a stretch.

There is no reason that driving should cause anyone to drive like that to get anywhere. Honestly though people leave earlier, plan for traffic delays and respect other drivers.

We have to keep each other safe on the road. Everyone wants to make it home safely.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Social Media Animal Cruelty

An abused animal shared for all to re-post

I know that social media is an outlet for individuals to reach the masses. For the most part posts are associated with daily life, relationships, and the most recent sharing of video’s. Social media is also an outlet for families who live long distance to stay connected and share photographs and the happenings with each other. Social media is the way people stay connected in today’s ever distant world. However, when I see a post of any kind related to animal cruelty it just disgusts me.

Now don’t get me wrong, animal cruelty is just terrible and no animal deserves the awful abuse; but seeing it on my thread that is suppose to be full of happy is difficult to deal with. The sad faces, abused bodies that are shared, and the depressing words that adjoin just bring me down.

I understand that people want to stop this horrific act of animal cruelty, but what are you really doing by sharing and posting these kinds of things on social media? Yes you’re making people a tad bit more aware, however are really out there doing anything in the physical world outside the digital social media world?

People have the right to post what they want and it isn’t my place to tell anyone what to post, however take a moment and think about what you’re really doing. You’re not helping any animal who has suffered, you’re not stopping any abuser, and you’re not making yourself look any better.

What I mean by that last sentence, in my eyes it’s a little sickening seeing those sad abused animals on someone’s news feed. It's nauseating and disheartening. To be even more honest, I hide the post because it makes me want to cry. Those poor innocent animals have already suffered enough, why display their battered bodies for everyone to see like that? When a man, woman or child gets abused you don’t see on social media an abused picture with words asking to share and pass it on.

Let’s show these suffers, these animal suffers some respect and give them back their innocent and dignity.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Disrespected and Mistreated

Your words do not define me

It is 2015, almost 2016 people. You’d think that by now homophobia would nearly a thing of the past. Apparently it isn’t though.

In some places it still exists, and it revels at those it can take down. It waits for that one person to take down and defeat them with all its might.

Today I experienced its evil wrath for the second time from the same individual. It stunned me the first time, but the second time I was in udder shock. I really thought that she would try to contain herself, but obviously she couldn’t.

Let me set up the scene for everyone.

Apparently this individual doesn’t like me referring to my wife as my wife and would rather me refer to her as my spouse. Each time that I referred to her as my wife this individual became enraged almost to the point of shaking and her voice became shaky.

Then when I tried to correct her she became argumentative and didn’t want to hear what I had to say. But of course, why would she? It’s only obvious that she wouldn’t want me to voice my opinion. And then she had to one up me with her side.

All of this happened on the first visit over a month ago.

On today’s visit it really set me off for the last time. Let me tell you, if it wasn’t for the fact that I needed her to complete a few paperwork turn in’s for me, I would have let her have it. Being treated like an “outcast” or like a “nobody” because of who I am isn’t okay with me.

She spelled my name wrong, she all couldn’t spell my wife’s name, and she asked me a question that was none of her business. I felt so disrespected and mistreated. All I could do was get up and leave.

For the entire 20 or 25 minutes it took to drive home from the university I was furious. I couldn’t think of anything else, but the rage I felt toward this individual. I couldn’t believe that someone like her worked at a university that is suppose to be gay friendly. I mean to apply to attend; there is a question basically asking if you’re gay friendly. Do faculty get asked the same questions?

Now home I can’t help but hope that my situation opens eyes of others that have been disrespected and mistreated in this same way. It isn’t okay. On the drive home I told my son that being gay or straight is okay. I will love him no matter what. I also told him that if someone ever makes fun of him that can come to me and I will defend him 100 percent. Everyone deserves love.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

‘Tis the Season

Ravenous creature pass the wishbone please

The holidays are upon us once again. It seems that we just celebrated Thanksgiving 2014 yesterday, and now it is going to be here in 12 days. Time really flies when life just happens. Before we know it Christmas will be here, then the New Year, and 2016.

Thanksgiving, a time to be thinking of reasons to be thankful. Then taking those thoughts and putting them into thoughtful actions to show your appreciation. Seems like a lot of work, so that does it; I’m going to settle for a turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and all the other fixings. Don’t forget the pumpkin pie.

After Thanksgiving comes Black Friday, which isn’t even a holiday. However, it has been transformed into this “holiday” event that is just ridiculous enough to mention. People treat this day like it is a day to go all out and blow money like it is going out of style. Forget what yesterday was all about...be thankful for what? Who cares. Let’s go spend lots of money. Act like ravenous animals at the stores and then pass out. This sounds like a great idea.

Then one month later is Christmas. The day kids dream of as soon as December begins. It is as if a timer goes off inside them and BAM it's an explosion of I want this and I want that. Christmas this and Christmas that. It isn’t even about the real meaning of Christmas anymore.

Christmas to me is about spending time with the ones you love. Being surrounded by people who you want to share a special day with. It isn’t about the gift’s like everyone thinks. I think it is about the games, jokes, laughter, and stories shared.

Lastly, we have the end of one year and the beginning of a new year. It is a transformation point. I don’t like where people have taken this day to though. Why does this day have to be celebrated with alcohol and outrageous partying at all hours of the night? I mean really, it is the new year for literally 365 days. I understand that it is cool to celebrate, but come on one drink and call it a night.

Maybe I’m just being a nit-picky old lady, but I stay up long enough to open the door, welcome in the new year and go to bed. That is it. I use to watch the ball drop on television, but even that became too much to watch.

People have become so out of touch with the simple side of things. Maybe after reading this you too will rethink your routine, or not. ‘Tis the Season.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

May Tom cat rest peacefully

Stray cat runs for safety only to lose life

It isn’t everyday that we see death. Today I woke with the best of intentions and headed out the door as I usually do. Within a few moments it was the end for one innocent stray cat I will refer to as “Tom”.

Stray cats will fight for many reasons and it is out of our hands. However, I cannot help but wish I would’ve ran over and done something to stop these two this morning. Something inside of me told me to stop what I was doing and examine the cat fight.

A few brief moments go by. As I am standing by my car about to get in a loud growl and hiss caught my attention. I looked up to see the two cats running towards the road. Traffic was coming and there was no way to stop the cats or the cars coming. I was helpless.

The antagonist cat backed off while “Tom” ran into the road and was hit by the vehicle that flung his body violently up into the air. Within seconds of this happen the vehicle drove off and didn’t even bother to check on “Tom’s” well-being or lack thereof.

Immediately I was filled with several emotions and began screaming frantically. I couldn’t contain myself. I didn’t know what to do. Being the owner of three precious cats myself I couldn’t imagine any of them being in such a terrible accident.

I fell to the ground and tears flooded my face.

My wife consoled me the best she could, however she didn’t realize what I had witnessed.

A woman had moved “Tom” from the middle of the road, so that no more cars would potentially hit him. She covered “Tom” up with her sweater. My wife brought out a garbage bag and then the woman took “Tom” to her father’s house to be buried. The three of us couldn’t just let him rot on the side of the road like that.

If more people would get their cats spayed and neutered then there wouldn’t be stray cats everywhere and cars wouldn’t be hitting them on the road. Secondly, the person driving that car how could you just kill an innocent animal and just drive off? They matter too. If that was a person you wouldn’t be allowed to just drive off. You would have to be held accountable for the crime.

This incident has really put stray animals into perspective for me.

Blog by Melissa Chandler